Ok, you were matched with someone. What now? How do you start a conversation with a stranger, especially through an app and not in person? What do you say? We know this is a daunting task for some and we are here to help you get started.

Here’s what we recommend.

We’ll start off with the messaging don’ts:

  1. Don’t Send Inappropriate Messages
    • You know what we are referring to and if you have to ask, it’s inappropriate. Avoiding this faux pas is actually really simple – Don’t start your conversation off with sexual innuendo of any kind. Ever. Don’t be a creep. It won’t work to your advantage.
    • If you honestly can’t identify which thoughts are inappropriate, take a breath and ask yourself, “Would I confidently say this to a person’s face?” If the answer is NO, then don’t send it. If the answer is YES when it should be NO, then you are on your own buddy. Just refrain from making others uncomfortable.
  2. Don’t Be Disrespectful
    • Remember you are speaking to another human being. Treat one another with respect and dignity. If you don’t agree with a person’s viewpoints, culture or lifestyle, bite your tongue and bow out of the conversation gracefully. You can do it. We have faith in you. (We didn’t mean to imply anything by the word ‘faith’).
  3. Don’t Send the Same Message to Multiple Matches
    • This will not increase your chances of finding someone, but will inevitably lead to major embarrassment on your part. Imagine you are talking to a group of people and you suddenly repeat the same line to each individual, like a broken record. It would be weird right? Right.
  4. Here’s a gray area: Cheesy Pick-Up Lines and Jokes
    • It is hard to determine whether or not someone will receive these well, at least as icebreakers. Their success often depends on context, which is hard to establish through a screen. We aren’t saying you shouldn’t try your hand at the pick-up line, but we can’t vouch for its effectiveness. People either love or hate these cornball attempts to form a connection. Personally, we love cheese (especially a creamy Gouda), but can’t promise your match will. So, cheese at your own risk.

We recommend the following when messaging matches: Messaging Do’s

  1. Check Out Their Bio for Things You Have in Common
    • This is the quickest and easiest way to get the scoop. For example, if you notice a tidbit about skydiving on their profile that reads, “I’ve never skydived. So scary!”, you can say, “What’s up with all these crazy people jumping out of planes”, or “It’s not as scary as it seems. Try it sometime. You haven’t lived if you haven’t soared”, or some pseudo-inspirational statement that people eat up these days.
    • Starting a conversation based on profile information, shows that you are interested, without being creepy. Don’t mention wanting to try that salted caramel frozen yogurt you saw your match eating last Sunday while you happened to be stalking them. We don’t see that awarding you anything but a restraining order.
  2. Photos
    • If your match posted a photo that interests you, ask them about where and when it was taken. At the very least, you can comment about how much you like it or about the location, if it is familiar to you. You were probably at that Coachella anyway and are just out of frame.
  3. Captions
    • If your match has added captions to their photos, try to think of a response to said caption. Remember photo captions are intended as a conversation starter, so you have already been thrown a bone!
  4. Talk About Your Interests
    • Your profile includes your interests and favorites. Use this information to your advantage and elaborate on these topics with your match. You will have a much easier time generating that spark when both you and a match share similar passions and interests. The conversation is less likely to grow dull as well and you won’t need Siri or Alexa on hand to imitate knowledge in something your match cares about.

If you still need some ideas, here’s some to get your brain going:

  • Appropriately compliment your match on their appearance. Do not include any vulgar or critical language. That text you sent your crush last weekend got you blocked. Learn from your mistakes.
  • “Hi! How are you?” It sounds simple, but a courteous greeting can be all it takes to open the door. If the recipient is offended by this, then cut your losses and run.
  • “Describe yourself in 3 emojis?” This isn’t for everyone, but many will find this to be a fun exercise, especially those who are verbally shy at first and need some encouragement, or those too young to remember a time when civilization used complex languages.
  • “What’s the best vacation you ever took?” This is a very general question that will apply to most people in some sense. It allows a myriad of questions to flow following an answer. We dare you to find the person who hasn’t blown a month’s rent during a drunken Vegas weekend, and if you happen to come across that diamond in the rough, hold on tight.

If you need more, check out the links below: